It is so much more real now that I have met with the surgeon and have a date. FREAKING OUT.
I had three appointments yesterday. First was Frank the nurse who took all of my medical info. Then he measured me. I am 5' 9". I have been 5' 8.5" for years. Is it possible that I gained enough weight in the soles of my feet to grow half an inch? Can that happen?
Then I met with Rachel the dietitian. When she first walked over she was exactly the kinda girl that I judge and hate on sight. Very thin, well dressed, cute shoes, and happy. Instant HATE. I did what I always do and tried to find flaws with her. It is a terrible habit and I know I do it because of jealousy and self hatred.
I dream that someday some obese girl will look at me in my cute dress and shoes and think "bitch." In my fantasy, I will nod sagely and whisper "lap-band." Paying it forward.
Then I met Dr. Ren. Also very thin and perky. Squashed down the instant hate when I remembered that I am literally putting my life in this woman's slender hands. She is going to help me be like her, so I need to chill with the fatty attitude.
She said that I might be a candidate for the Single Incision surgery. God willing. She also said that she thinks my stomach might be too SMALL for the Realize band. Let me repeat that. MY STOMACH IS TOO SMALL. It's difficult being so petite.
Anyway, next was Nilsa. She is the insurance coordinator. She helped me pick out my date. Initially she said August 30 and I shat a small puppy because that is practically tomorrow! Then she bumped me for a gastric bypass and now I have September 13. It's only two weeks later, but it feels like an eternity. I do not know how I am going to wait six weeks.
I also realize that I have to stop what I like to call my Cuisines of the World Overeating World Tour. It's a weird feeling. I am sure that anyone who is in the process understands. I keep having these "Never Again Will I Eat [__________]" feelings and then I eat said item.
My latest worry is that I will gain so much in the 4 weeks before the pre-op diet starts, that I will only get back to my consultation weight after pre-op and Dr. Ren will scowl at my fatty liver and sew me back up. So last night's Gallic feast was the end. Ok. I know I had ribs for dinner, but only a half rack. I'm practically on Weight Watchers.