Sunday, July 25, 2010

Who Knew I Was So Ordinary?

I saw the psychiatrist that they require for NYU Langone today. He was really nice and put me at ease. I can't imagine why I was nervous in the first plaec because I have been talking to my own therapist Vera for years.

I guess I got it in my head that if I didn't give the right answers, he would deny me.

"Have you ever uses laxatives/diuretics or vomiting to lose weight?" The truth was yes. I struggled about whether being honest was going to make him think I had a crazy eating disorder. In the end, I decided that if I am not honest throughout this whole process there could be really awful consequences, so I told the truth.

Now, I need to clarify that I am not bulimic. I tried that once in my twenties and discovered that I can't vomit without peeing in my pants a little bit. That was the end of my bulimia because EWWW.

The laxatives came when I was doing LA Weight Loss. They have since gone bankrupt, but between August 2006 and January 2007, they were my savior. I lost about 50 lbs. Granted I was taking laxatives 2-3 times a week. They required weigh ins on Mon., Wed., and Fri, so the nights before I would take a laxative so the scale would go down. My "counselor" was a size 0 and had never struggled with her weight. She also was not satisfied with less than 3-5lb loss a week. Can't imagine why they went out of business.

Anyway, my whole point was that during the consult with the doctor, every time I whipped out one of my chubby girl, clever bon mots, the dr. said "I hear that a lot." WHAT?!?!

It is always so depressing to learn that you are a cliche. But, sadly, that is exactly what I am when it comes to my weight. The things that I tell myself are the same things that every other overweight person says in their own head. Luckily, I have a whole treasure chest of weird neuroses that are mine all mine. Once I conquer my girth, I can start work on my fear of wet paper.

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