Sunday, October 10, 2010

Bandster Hell

I think I am there. This past week my hunger came back.  With a vengenance.  I feel like I can eat an entire side of beef.  Sadly old habits die pretty hard, so I have tried to do exactly that.  But luckily, my band has stepped in a time or two and told me that while the desire is there, my body has changed.

I got home from work the other night and wandered around looking at menus because I just didn't have the energy to cook.  I ended up gettting two slices of pizza.  One sicilian and one regular.  This was my old standard from Nino's the place across the street.  Often times, I would walk to the bakery to get a slice of red velvet cake while my pizza was being heated.  Then I would walk home thinking, "Is this going to be enough food?"

A quick aside and then back to the pizza story.  I feel like I spent so much time pre-meals worrying about whether or not I was going to have enough food to satisfy my deep hunger pit.  This would often lead to an order of dumplings on top of whatever combination plate I was getting from the Chinese place.  Or garlic knots in addition to the two slices of pizza.  Or mozzarella sticks when I ordered lasagna.  And always a trip to get a cake or cookie to satisfy that need for something sweet after.  Is it any wonder that I weighed 300 lbs!?!?!?!?!?!?  The problem with this strategy was that if the food was in front of me, I would eat it.  Even if I was so full I had to lie down, I would wait until that feeling passed and then finish off whatever was left. 

Ok, back to the other night.  I went upstairs and ate the sicilian slice.  Much too fast and not chewed well enough for sure.  That is going to kick me in the ass after my fill on wednesday.  So then I moved on to the other one and about halfway through I realized that I was eating because it was in my hand  and because I love cheese.  But my body was begging me to stop.  I was uncomfortable, but felt like I had to keep going.  I did the unthinkable and threw it in the bag and then dumped it in the trash. 

I ate a slice and half of pizza (probably could have stopped at 1) for dinner and was done.  Me!  The woman who used to put down 3 slices in one sitting and then nibble on a fourth later that night. 

My weight has been up and down the last couple of weeks as I struggle to keep my portions under control and start introducing real food again.  But I don't give a shit.  (Huge lie, but humor me.)  My point is that the band is doing what it is supposed to.  It is keeping me in check.  It is now up to me to try to listen when the band tells me to slow down. 


  1. YOU THREW IT AWAY! That, in and of itself, is HUGE. I do hope you appreciate that for what it's worth - yes, you probably could have had just the one slice...but you stopped wayyy before you would have in the past.

  2. OOOOO I had this same thing happen - I threw away pizza a few weeks ago!! And I too used to order more to make sure I'd not be hungry.

    Isn't the band wonderful!!?? It is hard in bandster hell at times - but we are pulling through and changing little by little! weeeee!!


  3. We have a lot of the same habits (hmm, wonderful if that is why we are both over weight?.... hmm). I always order way more than I know I need because I'm afraid it won't be enough, and if it is there, I will eat it. In part it is because I love food, but it also comes from my childhood. I spent many nights asleep at the dinner table because I would not finish my dinner (I was a vegetarian from the time I was 8 until 20 and my mom's first husband would not accept that, so I spent many nights at the dinner table with meat left on my plate).