Sunday, January 30, 2011

Validation by . . . stripper?

Let me introduce you to my new best friend.  His name is M-essi-ah.  I added though dashes because I get the feeling that he is the kinda guy who googles himself obsessively.  Here is a visual to get the story going:

There I was at the bachelorette party.  I was the designated driver because the shower was for my sister's best friend, so I figured she deserved to get as silly as she wanted to.  So keep in mind that I am stone sober for all of this.  Everything was good until the entertainment arrived.  Now, I am not a prude.  I like to think of myself as fairly laid back and open minded.  That is until last night when I went to my first "stripper at a private party" party. 

I was SHOCKED!!!!  I blushed.  I had to leave the room for bits of time.  And then my sister--well into the vodka by this time--points to me and sends our guy my way.  I was terrified and horrified all at once.  You see, he kept picking the women up.  As a forever fatty, having a guy try to pick me up fills me with fear.  I used to hang out with a guy that was always picked up his friends.  (I was young. Don't ask.) Anytime he tried to pick me up, I dropped to the ground like a sack of flour.  It was the only way I knew to make him stop.  Humiliating.  We are no longer friends.

Anyway, there I was in the middle of the floor swaying with terror when I said to Messy, "I am too heavy.  Please don't pick me up.  You'll drop me on my head and I will be paralyzed."  I swear to you that is exactly the ridiculous thing I said to the stripper.  He says, "Relax."  As if.  Then he lifted me up and ordered me to put my legs around his waist.  I was so scared that I did.  He released one hand and started dancing and said "Look. One hand."  I was dumbfounded.

After the show, as he handed me a card in case I want to book him for another party, he said, "I told you you weren't heavy."  Say what????  YES I AM.  I told him that I have lost a lot of weight recently so I guess I haven't processed it yet.  I HAVE NO FILTER.  The stripper does not care about my weight loss for chrissakes.  He just wanted a tip!!!  But he responded, "well get used to guys being able to pick you up and toss you around now."  I tipped him. 

Not because I want to be "tossed around" (well kinda), but because without even knowing it, he gave me such a great NSV.  A man--albeit a very muscley one--picked me up and didn't break his back or grunt with the effort.  Thanks, Messy.  I owe you one. 

The other highlight of the night was the bartender.  He is a personal trainer who was doing a favor for a friend.  We talked all night.  I am hoping that he asks our mutual friend for my number.  Ladies, please please pray because, well . . . look at him:

And for good measure here is a picture of me and my sister.  The bridesmaids all wore bustiers.  She does not normally dress like a French hooker, but she looked damn good.

wish my arm wasn't so fat, but look at that tiny curve at the waist!!!


  1. Ha ha! MANY years when one of my friends got married I was the only member of the bridal party who did not live with their parents, so we had the stirpper come to my aparment. I was horrified (but, I am a prude!)... I locked myself in the bathroom!!

    But that's a great NSV! And fingers crossed about that bar tender...

  2. wow I want an NSV like that. Thats making me blush just reading it. lol That is awesome!

  3. You are beautiful and skinny.
    Thanks for the man candy!

  4. That was such a great story!!! That made my Monday morning not so I'm happy and laughing! Sounds like you had a good time. And a great NSV!!! Congrats. You look great in that picture. Keep it up!


  5. That is a pretty good NSV!

    You look beautiful!

  6. Ohh yeah, I've been at THOSE kins of bridal showers :)

    You look fabulous! We so need to get that drink - might not be for a few months bc of stuff w my dad, but I definitely need some alcohol!

  7. I have just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the hottest virtual strippers stripping on my taskbar.