Friday, September 24, 2010
Why doesn't this come with a manual?!?
I don't think that I am doing this band thing right. I have been prepared for the bandster hell period since reading about it in blogs and forums. It hasn't happened for me. I am 11 days out and I really have not been hungry yet. Trust me, I am not complaining about this. I love this feeling and, as Gaspar explained, this is the feeling of the sweet spot. I get that swelling will go down before my first fill on October 11, but I am concerned about the amount that I am eating.
1/2cup of cottage cheese w/ container of banana baby food
4oz chobani greek yogurt
1/2 cup ricotta w/ 1oz. mozz. and 2 tbsp of sauce
1 jello sugar free pudding
That does not seem like enough food. I went to visit friends last night and walking up the steps from the subway damn near killed me. I think I need more calories and protein, but I am scared of eating too much at one time (stretching the pouch). I am also scared of eating between meals because I haven't really been hungry and I don't want to fall into old patterns where I eat "just cuz."
I will reach out to the nutritionist at NYU on Monday, and until then I guess I won't operate any machinery until I am sure I won't pass out.
The scale stopped moving today. I started to freak out and then talked myself off of the ledge. Of course the scale stopped moving. I am not eating. My poor, long-suffering body is now preparing for starvation.
I didn't realize how much anxiety I was going to feel in the beginning. Every time I move too quickly or feel a slight twinge I am convinced it is my port flipping. I have a twinge in my lower right abdomen that is most certainly the band slipping. (Regardless of the fact that my stomach is nowhere near there.) AAAAAHHHHH. I need to get myself together. I am just so nervous about fucking this up somehow. Everyone who knows is so invested and I am scared of disappointing other people and myself.
I have got to get out of the house. Maudlin does not sit well. On a much happier note:
An NSV. For the last year I have been having trouble getting into cars. I know it was the extra 35 that I had put on. My right leg just wouldn't lift into the car without some help from me. It is humiliating to have to pick up your leg to get it into a car. I noticed yesterday that I was hopping in and out of cabs all day without helping my leg. Such a stupid small thing, but it made me so happy.