Friday, September 24, 2010

Why doesn't this come with a manual?!?

I don't think that I am doing this band thing right.  I have been prepared for the bandster hell period since reading about it in blogs and forums.  It hasn't happened for me.  I am 11 days out and I really have not been hungry yet.  Trust me, I am not complaining about this.  I love this feeling and, as Gaspar explained, this is the feeling of the sweet spot.  I get that swelling will go down before my first fill on October 11, but I am concerned about the amount that I am eating.

1/2cup of cottage cheese w/ container of banana baby food
4oz chobani greek yogurt
1/2 cup ricotta w/ 1oz. mozz. and 2 tbsp of sauce
1 jello sugar free pudding

That does not seem like enough food.  I went to visit friends last night and walking up the steps from the subway damn near killed me.  I think I need more calories and protein, but I am scared of eating too much at one time (stretching the pouch).  I am also scared of eating between meals because I haven't really been hungry and I don't want to fall into old patterns where I eat "just cuz."

I will reach out to the nutritionist at NYU on Monday, and until then I guess I won't operate any machinery until I am sure I won't pass out. 

The scale stopped moving today.  I started to freak out and then talked myself off of the ledge.  Of course the scale stopped moving.  I am not eating. My poor, long-suffering body is now preparing for starvation.

I didn't realize how much anxiety I was going to feel in the beginning.  Every time I move too quickly or feel a slight twinge I am convinced it is my port flipping.  I have a twinge in my lower right abdomen that is most certainly the band slipping. (Regardless of the fact that my stomach is nowhere near there.)  AAAAAHHHHH.  I need to get myself together.  I am just so nervous about fucking this up somehow.  Everyone who knows is so invested and I am scared of disappointing other people and myself. 


I have got to get out of the house. Maudlin does not sit well.  On a much happier note:

An NSV. For the last year I have been having trouble getting into cars.  I know it was the extra 35 that I had put on.  My right leg just wouldn't lift into the car without some help from me.  It is humiliating to have to pick up your leg to get it into a car.  I noticed yesterday that I was hopping in and out of cabs all day without helping my leg.  Such a stupid small thing, but it made me so happy.


  1. You've gotta go easy on yourself. That actually sounds pretty decent (granted, all I've been able to get in today is a CIB split into 2 servings, and 7 or 8 spoonfuls of soup, plus like 3.5 of a liter of water).

    We're making big big changes and the body just needs to catch up!!!

    Congrats on the NSV, that's awesome!

  2. Honey, that is no small nsv! that is huge! i am really embarassed when I try to cross my legs in public and they won't stay that way! the last time I lost weight that was the best part about it for me, being able to cross my legs! I am back to the point where I once again can not do so! I can't wait to get back there AGAIN! Good for you!

  3. I was banded on 9/8 and really didn't start getting hungry until this week, and it comes really fast and almost hurts, but if I don't eat right then sometimes I don't want it when I get it. I have to be mindful when I do eat because I don't feel any restriction anymore and it sucks, but I get my first fill on the 7th and I hope that helps but right now I'm depending on me.

  4. OMG I am so glad to have found you! I was banded on 9-16 and I and feeling much the same as you. Although I hit hunger yesterday. Not horrible, but definitely am telling that i need to eat when I do. I had the horrible shoulder pain too. thought I was going to die. My sister stayed with me the evening of the surgery and I think I scared the bejeezus out of her when I shot up from the chair screaming. :) Looking forward to following you!

  5. Getting in and out of cabs with ease is a great NSV! Congrats!! Try not to be too hard on yourself. I know that same anxiety you are talking about too well! .. i'm almost 3 months out and I'm still convinced that everything I'm doing is going to cause my band to slip or the port to flip. If you find a way to get rid of that anxiety...I'd love to know!

  6. Yay! NSVs rule! You are really rockin' your band! *Maria*-blogger from "This one time at BAND Camp..." Follow my journey at