Eureka!!

WARNING!!! SERIOUS FOOD PORN AHEAD

My family had a big BBQ this weekend. Now when most people think BBQ, they think about hot dogs and hamburgers. Right? Please let me list for you the food that was there yesterday:

• Hot Dogs
• Hamburgers
• Chicken legs
• chicken cutlets
• steak
• sausage
  
• stuffed fish
• macaroni and cheese
• macaroni salad
• spaghetti salad
• sweet potatoes
• peas and rice
• cupcakes

and if that is not enough . . . propane stoves:

one for frying fish
one for frying chicken
and one for frying TWO turkeys

Is it any wonder that we have a history of obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure in our family? MY LORD!!!!!

I think my family may have an unhealthy relationship with food. All of the research that I have done for the band has really made me think about food and the role it plays in my life. I will not list what I ate yesterday, but suffice it to say, I hit almost all of those bullet points.

I think in order to be successful with my band, I might need a new family. Does anyone want to adopt me. Preferably a family of athletes. I imagine their BBQs are a single pack of turkey dogs and a side salad.

Now on to something serious.

A friend of my cousin brought her 8 year old daughter and my cousin and I noticed her eating a hot dog behind a tree. When we questioned her mother, my blood boiled. Her father keeps telling her that she is getting fat and criticizing everything she eats, so now she eats in secret and hides food. EXCUSE ME?!?!?!!?!? Her mother sounded annoyed by it, but not nearly as outraged and furious as I felt. I am still pissed. This little girl is a beautiful child and clearly a healthy weight. But even if she wasn't, her father is a jackass that is guaranteeing a daughter with a lifetime of eating issues. PS: her father is morbidly obese.

I felt really impotent and the only thing that I could thing to do was tell her my story. I told her how when I was a child my grandmother used to tell me that I looked like a cow and that I was getting fat. I started hiding food and eating in secret. I stuffed up the toilet in my house by trying to flush down the wrapper from a bag of potato chips that I wolfed down in the bathroom. I learned to eat when no one was around and then eat again with everyone. I ended by telling her that I now weigh 300 hundred lbs and I am weeks away from having something permanently installed in my body because I can no longer eat like a "normal" person. I don't know if it made any difference, but I didn't know what else to do. I hope to Christ that her mother is strong enough to fix the damage that has already been done and to kick her husband in his self-hating fat ass the next time he says something like that.