So, I decided that I was going to do a pre-op diet dress rehearsal and start replacing breakfast everyday with protein shakes. This was prompted by not one, but two different co-workers commenting that they are going to wear helmets the first week of my liquid diet. WTF?! I'm a nice woman!

Dr. Ren's office gave me a list of protein drinks that I can choose from and one of them was Carnation Instant Breakfast--No Sugar Added. I chose that one because according to the sheet you can have 6 a day as opposed to 5 of the other kinds. Once a glutton always a glutton.

There is no delicate way to put this, so if you are easily embarrassed or don't like to talk about bodily functions in mixed company, move on.


I was crippled all day long by toxic gas. I am not even kidding. I could have powered a small sub-division. It lasted until about 6pm. I drank that damn shake at 9am. Clearly, Carnation cannot be drink I choose. I had to keep going for walks and crop dusting the empty hallway. "Eww. You pig. Why didn't you go to the bathroom?" Well, I did at first. I got comfortably settled in a stall and was all prepared to be civilized when SOMEONE THREW OPEN THE STALL DOOR. The lock was broken. She screamed. I screamed. And because I was startled, I ripped a loud one right as I was screaming.

Today was one of my most shameful days. Selflessly, I have documented it for all the bandsters in the world to learn. Carnation Instant Breakfast will only humiliate you. Get the Muscle Milk Light and preserve your dignity. (It comes in Cake Batter flavor!!!)