Monday, August 30, 2010
The Highs and Lows of the Band Journey
Approved! Approved! Nilsa called me today. I had started convincing myself that it wasn't going to happen and then they called. I am so relieved and nervous and giddy.
Two weeks from today, my life will be completely different. The obvious things will change: less food; less weight; more energy. It is the unexpected things that are terrifying. I have never been thin. I have no idea what to expect.
What if my face changes and I actually don't have "such a beautiful face" when thin?
What if I have an apron that I can't afford to have tucked?
What will I hate about myself if it isn't my weight? I am going to really have to have a long talk with Vera about changing our game plan with therapy. For years, we have been talking about my weight. Then we were talking about my relationship. Both of those things will be non-issues pretty soon.
But despite all of the nerves, I am so excited and happy. I KNOW this is the right thing for me. I KNOW that I need to make a change that I can't go back on. I KNOW I will be successful. Know what else I know? I AM REALLY HUNGRY!!
My pre-op diet started today. So far I have had: 2 20oz shakes (chocolate mint & strawberry); a sugar free jello; a sugar free popsicle; 2 cups of spinach with fat free italian dressing; and a cup of beef broth. I have another shake for later and then I am going to take an Ambien to put me out of my misery.
I thought that by starting early with a modified diet, I would be prepared for the real thing. I am so not. 75% of this hunger is probably in my head, but wow. It blows.
I promise no more itemized lists of what I ate. SO boring, but if I don't keep my fingers busy I am going to start chewing on them.